Three decades have passed and it seems like yesterday. My mother, Betty Jean Dunn Bowling, was 32 years old and 8 days from her 33rd birthday when she lost her life. I was 6 years old and my sister was 9 years old. My mother and father were divorced. My mother was young, vibrant, loving and definitely too young to be taken away from this world.
She died in a car crash on her way to a funeral. I am told that she died instantly. I still don't understand the events and I am very angry. No one prepares you to grow up without a mother. No one explains what a toll it will take on your life...forever. I didn't have my own children until I was 31 years old. I think I have always been scared for the same destiny or that I wouldn't know how to be a Mom.
I still don't think I have ever properly grieved for her. I don't know how. I remember her much better than I should. And, I fear forgetting her.
I know that I live my life not wanting to die the way that she did. I am angry at her for leaving me at such a young age. I know it is not her fault, but I need to blame someone. My Mom died when I was 6 years old. Her mother (my grandmother) died when she was 6 years old. I have always felt like my days were limited. My children want for nothing and I love them with all of my being. So, why am I so scared that they won't remember me? Why am I so scared of leaving them?
Yesterday was Election Day and it was the day my Mom passed away (30 years prior). Change is such a peculiar word. Life changes. We all evolve. There are some days where I want the world to stop. I want to live in this moment and love my husband and children and not move forward.
I miss my mother. I miss what I could have had. I grieve her loss and rejoice her memory. I feel her presence and I don't ever want to forget her laughter and her love. I don't want to stop missing her.
So, on this day...I give myself permission to grieve her and mourn her loss. And then, I will pick myself up, wipe away the tears and never forget to be the best mother for my children. My mother would want me to take advantage of every moment spent with them. I will do that for her, for myself and for my children. If you read this, do it for your children as well. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow. My mother did not have any inclination that she would die at the age of 32. I don't know what my future holds, but I hope to love my family and friends and make a positive impact on this world. Life is too short to do otherwise.
November 5, 2008
30 Years Yesterday...
September 30, 2008
Darah Should Be Named Damien
Today started off fairly well. Dyson woke up, got ready for school, got on the bus without any issues and Darah and I came home.
Darah and I went to Gymboree. We had fun. We came home. She fell asleep. The phone rang.
The school nurse called to let me know that my little man was sick. He had a fever of 101 and I needed to pick him up.
So, I woke up my Dare Bear and we picked up Dyson.
He cried when he saw me and it broke my heart. I think he was just so overwhelmed and seeing me made it OK to let it all out. I guess Moms always have that affect.
I took him to the pediatrician and he had an ear infection.
This is when I realized my daughter was evil.
Dyson fell asleep on the way to the doctor's office and on the way back home. Darah commenced to yelling at him to wake up and at one point she threw her wireless headphones at him. WHAT?!? She is so mean to him.
I told her to be quiet, because Dyson was sleeping and he was sick. She didn't care. Are girls born evil or do we turn this way?
Get Off Me Tracy!
So, I met this girl a couple of years ago. She reminded me of well...ME! So, of course I love her. She gave me crapola about my blog, so here I am...posting something.
August 14, 2008
My Father, Henry Randall Bowling (RIP)
I wrote this last year and I really don't have a better way to express myself, so I thought I would repost it here.
Today is the 4th Anniversary of my father's death. It's a hard day for many reasons. I am a very optimistic person and I love to celebrate life. However, losing both parents has been very rough for me. I try not to talk about it much, but I know that I need to grieve. It's hard to keep it all inside.
My Dad was diagnosed with bile duct cancer in April 2004. It was inoperable and not treatable with chemotherapy or radiation. The cancer had spread up his spinal column and was entering his vital organs. He appeared to be jaudice...like a newborn baby. My Dad was very hopeful and believed in the power of prayer. Nonetheless, after a short 4 months...he passed away on August 14, 2004.
My Dad and I had some rough times and had somewhat of a tumultous relationship. Nonetheless, I miss him more than I ever thought I could imagine.
I got a phone call 4 years ago and was told that my Dad had taken a turn for the worse and I needed to come see him. Dean came home and we packed within minutes and left for West Virginia from Michigan. Dyson was 15 months old. We traveled through the night and got to WV around midnight. My father was at home and hospice was giving him the care he needed. The man I saw was not the lively, caring, boistrous individual that I knew and loved. He was sitting in his recliner and looked like he had aged 30 years and lost 50 lbs. He was not able to talk and he did not make eye contact. He groaned quite a bit. The nurse told us that the hearing was the last thing to go, so we all talked to him and kept him in our conversations.
The next day I called a friend from high school (Michael Kessinger) who was a pastor. He knew my Dad and had been coming over to pray with him. I asked if he could come over and pray with my Dad and the family. He came right over. My Dad had many friends and family by his side. We all gathered around him and I grabbed one of his hands and my step-mother grabbed the other. The others joined our hands and surrounded my Dad in a circle. Michael prayed for Dad and our family. After he said his prayer, I got down closer to my Dad and said to him, "Daddy, I know you are in pain and it is time for you to go. I am going to be OK and I love you." I kissed him and within seconds, he took a deep breath and exhaled. He never took another breath. It was obvious that he had passed and he had a look of peace on his face. I think that I had given him the permission to go.
Although I know he is in a better place, I miss him so much. I am angry and saddened that my children will never know their grandfather. I am sad that he never got to meet his granddaughter. I am upset at myself for letting him go. I am mad for being so stubborn and hard headed and never saying "I'm sorry" for some of the things I had done. I know that this is the normal process of grieving. So, why do I feel like I can't breathe at times? I am very thankful for a wonderful husband and beautiful children. I just feel a void. I want to hug him one more time. I still remember the way he smelled. I remember his laugh and his corny sense of humor. Will I forget these things???
I am my father's daughter. I love him, admire him and miss him dearly. I don't make any apologies for that. So, on this day...I remember him fondly and mourn the loss of a great father, son and person!
In Memory of Randall Bowling.
This picture was taken in May 2004 (3 months before he died).
August 13, 2008
Yes, I am a Freak!
I am a small town girl from West Virginia. I have realized that you can take the girl out of the country, but not the country out of the girl. I am thankful for my experiences, but I am blessed to know my roots and remember where I came from. I spent 5 years in the United States Air Force. I am very proud of the time I served! Most IMPORTANTLY, I am a stay-at-home Mom to two wonderful, beautiful children. I am married to an active duty Marine of 22+ years and my best friend. He isn't one of the few good men, he "is" the only good man for me. He just got promoted to Master Gunnery Sergeant! Way to go Dean! I am truly blessed with the best man in the world and 2 wonderful children. Does life get any better than this??? I am very patriotic, so watch what you say about the military or their involvement overseas. If you don't support the reasons why we are there, SUPPORT THE TROOPS! Besides...the military isn't a job, it's a calling. Our nation's military has given us the freedoms we enjoy today. So, thank a Soldier, Airman, Sailor or Marine the next time you see one! I am a HUGE Pittsburgh Steelers fan. I attended Super Bowl XL in Detroit. So, my kids will now be attending community college. The Super Bowl was practically in my back yard and I bleed black and gold. I could not pass up the opportunity of a lifetime. It was UNFORGETTABLE!!! I grew up in West Virginia. No, not Virginia...West Virginia. And yes, there is a difference. I got married for the first time at the age of 16! No, he wasn't my cousin. My first job was Wendys. I attended two of my high school proms as a married woman. I graduated high school with honors. I love candy and chocolate. Fun Dip is one of my favorites. I celebrated when I hit 100 lbs. I don't take life too seriously. It's too short to take serious. I love to dance around in my underwear and sing out loud when no one is watching! I joined the Air Force in 1996. I worked in Accounting and Finance. I love my country and those that serve it. If you want to bad mouth the President or our troops, please do it elsewhere. I live life to love. I don't want to ever have any regrets. I always thought that the best thing in life was being known for my accomplishments. I felt like success was based on my job title and how much money I made. My title is now "Mommy" and I don't make a dime! I feel like I have won the lottery! I don't see color...I see Intelligence. I believe in fate, destiny and karma. What goes around...comes around. So, I try to practice the golden rule. Treat others as you would want to be treated. I don't have any preconceived notions about someone when I meet them. I am very open minded and receptive to differences. I love the Pittsburgh Steelers, Detroit Red Wings and cheer for University of Michigan and West Virginia University. I attended Florida State, so I guess I like the Seminoles...lol. I am not materialistic at all. I hate flowers on Valentine's Day or Anniversary's. Be creative! I am very stubborn and hot headed. My temper sometimes is out of control. Can you say anger management? On a lighter note...I am very compassionate and understanding. If I am a friend, I am a friend for life. I LOVE sports. Don't get into a battle of wits with me on Steeler's football. I go WAY back and will put you to shame. I own EVERY Prince album made. I know all the words to all of his songs and sometimes think that I can reach his high notes in the shower! :) I love men in uniform. Strangely...I find the UPS man attractive too! I love scary movies. I like to watch them alone and in the dark. My favorite books are by Stephen King and Dean Koontz. I hate romance novels and have never made it past the first page. I don't make friends very easily with women. It may be me, but HOLY CATTINESS! I am a cat person. I like dogs too, but prefer my feline companions. I am obsessed with Patrick Dempsey, or should I say McDreamy? He does it for me. I have many obsessive compulsive issues. I clean like there is no tomorrow and I know if something in my house has been moved or touched. I can't help it. I won't eat syrup on pancakes, waffles or anything else "unless" my hair is pulled back in a pony tail. I have an issue with sticky stuff. I can't go potty (#2) if someone else is in the house. I didn't poop for 10 days in church camp and almost 2 weeks in Air Force Basic Training. I can't sleep at night if everything isn't put away in my house. I got to ride in the back seat of a F-15 Eagle. Yes, it WAS like Top Gun! I hate having my wrists touched. Do not attempt to touch them, look at them or ask me to look at yours. It is a phobia and I can't explain it...so don't ask. My sister swears I committed suicide in a prior life. I have a very hard time apologizing to people. I am terrified of dying young and leaving my children...just like my own mother. I think Drew Carey and President George W. Bush are SEXY! I love a man with a sense of humor. It surpasses looks every time. I think bald, black men are extremely sexy. I cross my toes when I am sitting down (even with socks on). I am domestically challenged when it comes to cooking. Yes, I thought coffee was in coffee cake. : P Yes, I think Prince is sexy. I don't use knives. So, that means you will have to cut your own fruits and vegetables. Knives give me the willies. I own a gun and yes, I will use it. I have bungee jumped. No, I wasn't brave. I begged for the guy to push me off, because I was scared to DEATH! I am deathly scared of needles. I went through 22 hours of labor without and epidural. I was more scared of the needle than the pain. I hate it when people stick food in my face or in my children's face. If you want me to try something, ask me if I want a bite and hand me the fork (or spoon). Don't shove it in my face! :) I don't eat seafood. Sounds pretty normal...right? I don't eat seafood, because they poop where they live. I am a stickler for pronouncing someone's name correctly and/or spelling it right. I have been called Dee-ann-ah for my whole life and it is annoying...lol. It is Dee-nah people! 
My Introduction
My name is Deana. Although it may look like Dee-ann-ah, please don't make that mistake. It's Dee-nah people. Take the time and get it right.
I am 36 years old. Married with 2 beautiful children. My husband will do. :)
I was born in Virginia, but raised in West Virginia. I am very proud of where I came from. You can take the girl out of the country, but not the country out of the girl.
I lost my mother when I was six years old. Although it does not define me, losing her has made me the person I am today. I think of her every day.I married my high school sweetheart at the ripe age of 16 years old. No, we were not cousins. We were married for almost 11 years when we parted ways.
I joined the United States Air Force on September 18, 1996. I was 24 years old. I graduated as an Honor Graduate and I was on my way. Off we go...
I was raised very patriotic and I thought I knew what patriotism meant. However, the first time I stood in my dress blues and saluted our countries flag and listened to our National Anthem, I felt pride that I cannot even describe. The flag waved in the sky and I was overwhelmed. I was willing to die for that flag and what it stood for.
I met my soul mate in 1999. His name was Dean and he was in the Marine Corps. Needless to say, I wasn't happy about that. Marines had a bad reputation. Dean was a gentleman. He swept me off my feet and proposed 3 months after we started dating. We got married almost a year later. He is my best friend and confidant. Life would not be the same without him by my side.
We started a family in 2003. My son, Dyson, was born and changed our lives forever. Our family was not complete, so we introduced the world to Darah in 2005. I am SO blessed.
I lost my own father in 2004. He died from bile duct cancer. I miss him terribly, but I know he is in a better place.
Life has not been easy, but I wouldn't change a thing. I always choose to look at the glass half full and move on to bigger and better things. Life is too short to hold grudges or create drama. I consider myself to be easy-going, confident, compassionate and loyal (among other things).
So, that's me...in a nut shell. Please join me on this journey...
